Monday, February 05, 2007

Drinking Interferes with Work

Or is it the other way around? Work interferes with drinking.

I think that in my case that may be more true. Often the only times I go sober are because of work constraints. Too many hours packed into to little time. And lets face it we all need sleep at some time.

But the other day was different. I found myself doing something I said I would never do again.

Drinking on the job.

It started when I had been up for far too long and had a couple of hours to kill before work and nothing else to do. So I thought about drinking. And the more I kept resisting the idea the more I thought that maybe just a pint of vodka, a few shots maybe, and I would quit at least an hour before I had to clock in.

At work no one seemed to notice. And I pretty much run the place alone after the handoff. So that was no problem. But I kept thinking about drinking more. And how the next day was Sunday and I wouldn't be able to drink until after the Liquor Stores opened at noon wasting most of the day driving myself crazy.

So I sent a girl to the Liquor Store, which reminds me I owe her money. And I did a couple shots at work. One every 40 minutes or so, never in front of customers. It was wrong, way wrong. But that's what happened.

Then I was late for my second job. Filled a portion of a cup with straight vodka and proceeded to get to work. Once again no one noticed. Maybe I need a job where I will be held accountable? Somewhere besides the second job where the manager often goes to the bar across the street while on the clock. Or buys pills from other employees?

It wasn't until the girl who had bought the Vodka for me came back to my second workplace drunk and told everyone she was sorry for buying me alcohol while I was working.

Slightly embarassing.

Except my Co-workers laughed it off. Actually one girl showed way more concern than I thought the situation merited but hey, it was touching. And I felt like I let her down.

So I sobered up and went home and slept for once. Between work and errands for friends it was a little over 24 hours without a drink.

Then this morning, I didn't really have the time, but I figured what the hell, it'll help me sleep.

So here I am wasting an hour or two of the six I get to sleep, drinking and pouring my heart out on this blog.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Had Too Many Drinks

And I'm almost out.

Started me thinking about my New Years Resolution. Not to quit drinking or anything drastic. Just that the sober days had to out number the drinking days in any week.

That plan failed.

The marks on my calendar can atest to that. It's like I'm on a binge lately, I no longer care about my job or anything else. I wake up thinking about drinking. Dreaming about drinking.

So maybe this blog will help me keep on track, cutting down, keeping my job, all those things I don't care about right now because I have had a few drinks and at least I can see there are a few more before I pass out from a combination of being dead tired and drunk.

But I am going to quit.

I just haven't found the right time yet.